Procrastination requires a certain amount of skill and determination.

Meditating on the following self-affirmations can bring about the stagnation you may want for maximizing misery in your life. Maybe there are some here you haven’t tried yet; take heart, there is always time to learn a new skill; unless there isn’t…

1. You can’t do it.
2. It’s impossible.
3. You never could do anything right.
4. You have the worst luck in the world.
5. You don’t have a chance, so why try?
6. You’re all thumbs.
7. You’d only get hurt.
8. It would never work.
9. It’s not in the stars.
10. It’s never been done before.
11. It’s not who you are, it’s who you know. And you don’t know the right people.
12. It’s too late now.
13. It’s later than you think.
14. You can’t take it with you.
15. What good could come of it?
16. The piper must be paid.
17. The wages of sin is death.
18. The paths of glory lead but to the grave.
19. So what’s the use?
20. Whatever it is, you’d better forget about it; you just couldn’t handle it.
21. You wouldn’t know what to do or say.
22. You’d just bungle it and everybody would laugh at you.
23. Perhaps you could tackle it in the future after you’ve had a chance to prepare a little more; but not now.
24. Better wait; better postpone it; better retreat.
25. Safety First!
26. Who do you think you are anyway? or, Who do they think I am anyway?
27. Somebody else has probably done it better already.
28. Do it when the weather gets better (or people are friendlier, or when it stops raining…).
29. It’s better to wait until he/she/it is in a better mood.
30. Somebody will find out who you really are and embarrass you.
31. No good deed goes unpunished.
32. You could never do it as good as [your brother, sister, mom, dad, friend, boss, dog], so why try?
33. It’s going to cost you!
34. It’s just the way you are…
35. Remember how bad it was the last time you tried to…
36. You have a genetic predisposition, so why fight genetics? It’s not your nature.
37. You don’t have enough information/strength/support/income/etc…
38. Somebody else will just take the credit.
39. You might do it if you were just a little taller/shorter/stronger/faster/better…
40. Me? Are you crazy?!

Adapted from “How to Make Yourself Miserable, A Vital Training Manual” by Dan Greenburg, Random House, NY, NY, 1966. With additional material from Joseph Bennette, MRET, CHt, who has tested all the above for quality assurance.

Got more to add to the list? I’d love to hear them.