Researchers investigated the difference between happy and unhappy people in the types of conversations they tend to have. Their conclusion – happy people tend to have more substantive conversations and less small talk than do unhappy people. In fact, the study showed the happiest participants had twice as many substantive conversations and one third as much small talk as the unhappiest participants.
“Just as self-disclosure can instill a sense of intimacy in a relationship, deep conversations may instill a sense of meaning in the interaction between partners,” say the researchers.
It’s okay to talk about the weather or basketball scores, but why do you talk about such things? Are you nervous or anxious or concerned about the person with whom you’re having a conversation? Then why not just come out with it instead? Well, for many of us, just “coming out with it” is uncomfortable and sometimes opens windows or doors into worlds of hurt and shame. So we “code” our conversations so as not to directly shake the tree, so to speak.
My mother and I have a wonderful relationship. I care about her deeply and it is obvious to me she cares at least as much about me. When we get together, we talk about the weather, books we’ve read, which coffee we like best, hikes she’s taken, the good things everyone is doing – small talk. But it’s a code – like the code used by the “Farm Boy” in the movie, The Princess Bride. When he said, “As you wish,” what he really meant was, “I love you…”
What might happen to your conversations if you infused each one with a hidden code – that only you know (for now) – in which every word was code for “I care about you” or “I love you” or “You are awesome in my eyes…” Wouldn’t that tend to change “small talk” into “substantive conversations?”
By the way, it’s a simply gorgeous day here – a combination of rain, wind, and occasional sun… 
Psychological scientists Matthias R. Mehl, Shannon E. Holleran, and C. Shelby Clark from the University of Arizona, along with Simine Vazire of Washington University in St. Louis participated in the study, which was reported in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science.