“How well is that working for you?”
Dr. Phil McGraw’s famous saying is the essence of Neuro-linguistics. Basically, the question assumes certain important things:
- That what you are doing IS working…
- That you have the ability to judge how well it is working…
- That you can make a change…
- That you are getting something of value from what you are doing now…
The answer to the question is the key to making a change.
Perhaps you don’t know why your life is not working. Maybe you think your problems are the result of someone else’s actions/fault. Maybe you are confused or angry or sad or afraid…
Whatever is going on with you, evaluating your STRATEGY by asking this simple question, “How well is this working for me?” – just might get you out of the blame game and into the solution game.
Shifting from “Being” (I’m so unhappy!) to “Doing” (I FEEL unhappy!) is the shift from stuck to solution. Evaluating your strategy is the first step…
Look particularly as what you are getting as a payoff for your behavior. Do others fear you – and it feels like respect? Does your fear justify inaction and lack? Ask, “What do I NEED that this behavior gets for me?” That is your payoff. And it might be one of the answers to the question, “How is this working for me?”
Try it. The next time you feel unhappy, angry, frustrated, sad, alone, afraid, or out of control, ask yourself, “How is this working for me?” followed by “What is my payoff for this behavior?”
Then listen to your inner voice – and shift from BEING unhappy to, “What can I DO to change this situation?”
It will make the difference between living a life of frustration and enjoying one full of joy.