“We should keep in mind the world is messy, and we’re all different to varying degrees. Nature always takes the exception to the rule, undermines the archetype, and reminds us that our ideas about what is natural and what we should do to correct nature’s ‘imperfections’ are as sound as a sandcastle battered by a rising tide,” writes University of Iowa psychologist Mark Blumberg in his latest book, Freaks of Nature. “We are all extraordinary, all strange — freaks, every last one of us. Some of us just happen to be more notable, with a particularly interesting story to tell.”
“To me, the nature-nurture debate is a dead end,” said Blumberg. “Asking whether something is more nature or more nurture is like asking whether a hurricane is more wind or rain. It’s both — always both.”
In nature, biological systems operate within the context of their environment. According to evolutionary theory, systems either adapt to their environment or die off. Freaks of nature sometimes become the dominant species because they can adapt better than those we consider “normal” or not freaks.
As humans we are intensely interested in freaks of nature. They are interesting – and we are curious. All too often, we want to “fit in” and “just be normal” – yet doing so would likely make us dull and uninteresting – not special – boring.
Although we like to “fit in” and “be normal” we also like being “special” to someone or to a group. Some people confuse being special with being a freak – although freaks are certainly special, you don’t have to be a freak to be special.
Each person on the planet is unique – no one else on earth has your unique combination of nature and nurture – how your specific genetic pattern has adapted to your specific environment. You don’t have to work at being special – it is who you are already.
The issue is not whether or not you are special. The issue is that we sometimes fail to recognize that specialness and celebrate it in a meaningful way. And sometimes we fail to recognize the ways others acknowledge our specialness.
To begin with, when you recognize your own uniqueness, your own specialness, you tend to interpret environmental signals based on that specialness. You tend to support your acknowledgment with more acknowledgment – no need to “try” to become special by doing extraordinary things – like acting in a freakish way. You already know you are special – no need to prove what is already proven.
When you extend that feeling of being special to others you care about, you tend to reinforce their feelings of specialness. It is the very definition of conditional love – extending love feelings based on who someone is or how they act. Specialness is conditional.
This takes me to the myth of unconditional love… in a future post…