There is a spot in our backyard garden where the same weeds pop up every spring – and which I spray each spring. Over time, the spray seems to be lessening its effect on them and now, the weeds simply cannot be killed using those sprays I’ve used before – they have survived and learned to be resilient.
For years I’ve believed that victimhood is the key to therapeutic inaction and failure. Clients who believe they are the victim of abuse feel powerless and helpless against the intense feelings that boil within them. “I can’t help it – I was beaten as a child. It’s DADDY’S fault I’m fat!”
What if you were to look at yourself instead as a survivor imbued with a strength called resilience? Rather than feeling helpless and hopeless, might you feel more empowered? And what if you were to learn that by putting your strength to work for you, you might actually make your life work better? What if you considered resilience an evolutionary gift rather than a problem needing correction?
Resilience is a key element in evolution. Most animals perish before they can reproduce – they don’t last long enough (resilience). Those with an evolutionary advantage by surviving long enough (resilience) tend to pass along their genetic advantage to future generations through reproduction or education. Child abuse, although horrible and certainly to be avoided, can nevertheless imbue those subjected to it with increased resilience that can help them survive and pass along their advantage to future generations – either through reproduction or through education. Far from being a problem, surviving trauma blesses its recipients with a special evolutionary advantage – resilience.
“Therapists and mental health practitioners can expand the lens of how survivors see themselves and help them recognize their strengths and the resilience they’ve learned from their situations,” said Kim Anderson, associate professor in the MU School of Social Work. “Utilizing a strengths-based approach can greatly improve recovery for victims of family violence. As with any situation, helping people focus on their abilities instead of their problems increases their motivation and will to succeed.”
Those working with survivors of family violence, child abuse, sexual trauma and the like might reconsider their approach and focus more on the positive aspects of the client’s “education”. We can’t change the past, but we can change the way we view it – and “spin” can make all the difference if it takes a client from victim to powerfully responsible survivor.
“What are normally regarded as negative traits in survivors of family violence might actually be their survival strengths,” Anderson said. “Traits that practitioners often try to change may be extremely important to maintain and can help survivors thrive in environments where there isn’t violence.”
Absolutely my point!