Tag Archives: communication

What Were You Thinking?

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What Were You Thinking?

Click here to buy

Whew! 15 years of work! Although this is book #5 for me, it was the most difficult to write – because it’s about ME and MY thinking errors (don’t you just love self-disclosure?!). The publisher says that if you use the code MVY7M9SU they will knock off $3. That’s about 20%. Nice!

What Were You Thinking?

Some Common Thinking Errors and What to Do About Them

Authored by Joseph Bennette

A critical look into how our magnificent brains can help us make the most of our lives – and get us into deep trouble. Fortunately, thanks to our big brains we have the capability to solve our own thinking errors – once we know what those errors are. Explore some common thinking errors and what you can do to prevent or correct them. From the introduction: Continue reading →

The Power of Your Affirmations

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"I am NOT angry!!!"

Rigidity of thought – “I’m right!” thinking – tends to embitter one’s life and sour relationships.

A member of the United States Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, “Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!”

All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session.

After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced. “OK,” he said, “I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!”

Did you notice how both of the Senator’s iterations meant the same thing? How many times have you confused yourself with negative affirmations? For example, how many times have you told yourself that you could not do something. Most of the time, such self-defeating affirmations are absolutely false. You aren’t telling yourself the truth.

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Happiness in Conversations

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My mother and I often engage in small talk - but it's code for "I love you."

My mother and I often engage in small talk – but it’s code for “I love you.”

Researchers investigated the difference between happy and unhappy people in the types of conversations they tend to have. Their conclusion – happy people tend to have more substantive conversations and less small talk than do unhappy people. In fact, the study showed the happiest participants had twice as many substantive conversations and one third as much small talk as the unhappiest participants.

“Just as self-disclosure can instill a sense of intimacy in a relationship, deep conversations may instill a sense of meaning in the interaction between partners,” say the researchers.

It’s okay to talk about the weather or basketball scores, but why do you talk about such things? Are you nervous or anxious or concerned about the person with whom you’re having a conversation? Then why not just come out with it instead? Well, for many of us, just “coming out with it” is uncomfortable and sometimes opens windows or doors into worlds of hurt and shame. So we “code” our conversations so as not to directly shake the tree, so to speak.

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How You Say It Matters

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The space around our bodies is simply made for communication and perception.

The space around our bodies is simply made for communication and perception.

Scientists Tamar R. Makin, Meytal Wilf, and Ehud Zohary from the Hebrew University of Jerusalem along with Isabella Schwartz from Hadassah Mount Scopus Hospital in Jerusalem wanted to investigate how hand amputations affect visuospatial perception in near space. Through a series of ingenious experiments, they discovered, “…that the possibility for action in near space shapes our perception – the space near our hands is really special, and our ability to move in that space affects how we perceive it.”

Another study, this time by researchers from Colgate University and Radboud University Nijmegen (The Netherlands) revealed something NLP practitioners have known for some time: that congruent action and verbiage communicates messages far better than when there is incongruent action or speech.

The space around our bodies is simply made for communication and perception. When we move our hands, especially, in this space we affect perception – our own and others’. Science is just now showing us that the intuition and understanding of many NLP practitioners and teachers has some validity in fact.

When you shake your head and answer yes, your perception as well as the perception of others you are attempting to communicate with will feel confused and your message will probably be missed or at least be misunderstood.

Sources:
Article “Two Sides of the Same Coin: Speech and Gesture Mutually Interact to Enhance Comprehension” Psychological Science.
Barbara Isanski – Association for Psychological Science

Confusion or Memory Loss with Age

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Even with advanced degrees in physics and mathematics, iTunes and the iPod Touch did her in.

Even with advanced degrees in physics and mathematics, iTunes and the iPod Touch did her in.

My mother recently sent me an iPod Touch that she could not figure out how to use. She is a very intelligent woman in her seventies with advanced degrees in physics and mathematics. But iTunes and the iPod Touch did her in. The instructions were so arcane and confusing she just gave up and sent the thing to me.

I’m no genius – just younger than she is – and able to figure the iPod Touch out after some time with the instruction manual and lots of trial and error (mostly error). And the iPod Touch is not the only thing I find confusing as I get older.

My telephone has become a subject of considerable confusion as it adds more and more “features” – when all I want to do is talk on it. Now my phone tells me where I am (here), keeps my calendar (so I won’t forget), shows me pictures of my family (the same pictures I keep in my wallet), takes lousy pictures and video (“is that a picture of me?”), does text messaging (numbers to letters – no kidding!!), and plays my music (isn’t that what the iPod is for?). It has so many features I forget sometimes how to place a simple phone call – and that’s why I have the damned thing in the first place! I’m so confused!! Is it my age? Am I just “getting older?”

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Synaesthesia Estimated in 1 in 1000

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Synaesthesia is a neurologically-based phenomenon in which stimulation of one sensory or cognitive pathway leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory or cognitive pathway.

Most people with synaesthesia are not aware they are synaesthetes and feel certain about the way they perceive things: they think the way they experience the world is the way everyone experiences it. But, when they realize that something is not quite "right," they become disappointed or afraid – many hide it or pretend to perceive as others around them do – "faking it."

The research field has grown from grapheme-color synaesthesia to include other forms of synaesthesia in which flavors are evoked by music or words (lexical-gustatory synaesthesia), space structures by time units, colors by music, etc.

Surprising as it may seem, there are people who can smell sounds, see smells, or hear colors. Actually, all of us at some point in our lives have had this ability – some authors affirm that it is common in newborns.

In the department of Experimental Psychology and Physiology at the University of Granada, a research group is carrying out pioneer work in Spain on the systematic study of synaesthesia and its relation with perception and emotions. Professor Juan Lupiáñez Castillo and Alicia Callejas Sevilla have devoted many years to the study of this unknown but interesting phenomenon, which affects approximately one person out of every thousand. Many of these people do not even know that they are synaesthetes, as they think they perceive the world normally.

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People Think They Reap What They Sow In Relationships

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I see myself more clearly in othersPeople gauge how responsive their partners are primarily by how they themselves respond to their partners-not the other way around, according to a series of Yale studies in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

“We have examined this in different ways,” said Margaret Clark, faculty author and psychology professor. “In studies of marriage we’ve found that what people report they do for their partners is a better predictor of what they think their spouse does for them than are the spouse’s own reports of what was done.”

“Most surprisingly,” she said, “when Edward Lemay, a senior Yale graduate student, brought people into the lab and asked leading questions to make them feel supportive or non-supportive of their partner, the first group reported that their partner is more supportive toward them than did the second group.”

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More About Illusions

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Chris Chabris’ awesome talk at PopTech 2010 illustrates how we should never trust ourselves, our beliefs, or our perceptions. I say, “Always question your reality – it deserves nothing less.” Also, check out Chris’ book, “The Invisible Gorilla” at http://www.theinvisiblegorilla.com.

Chris Chabris: When Intuition Fails from PopTech on Vimeo.