What Were You Thinking?

What Were You Thinking?

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Whew! 15 years of work! Although this is book #5 for me, it was the most difficult to write – because it’s about ME and MY thinking errors (don’t you just love self-disclosure?!). The publisher says that if you use the code MVY7M9SU they will knock off $3. That’s about 20%. Nice!

What Were You Thinking?

Some Common Thinking Errors and What to Do About Them

Authored by Joseph Bennette

A critical look into how our magnificent brains can help us make the most of our lives – and get us into deep trouble. Fortunately, thanks to our big brains we have the capability to solve our own thinking errors – once we know what those errors are. Explore some common thinking errors and what you can do to prevent or correct them. From the introduction: Continue reading

A Worthwhile Conversation

I'll be nice when it's fair!

I'll be nice when it's fair!

“If you act nice to them, people won’t take you seriously.”

“What the hell do I care?”

“But if it doesn’t help you, why do it?”

“Sometimes it helps me. But don’t you just like being nice to people?”

“Sometimes. But then if they’re not nice back I get mad.”

“Yeah; just skip that part. How often are you nice to people?”

“Not too often. I’m usually waiting for them to do something where they deserve me being nice.”

“Then that’s not being nice. That’s being fair.”

Conrad Cook, Mindlist
onewetsneaker.wordpress.com

The problem with “fairness” is that it’s always lopsided: “balanced” more toward the person doing the judging of such “fairness” – my grandchildren always judge something as fair if they get what they want – and not fair if they don’t get what they want. Being nice, on the other hand is just a simple frame of mind that says, in effect, “I’m a person I respect who does nice things for others just because I can.”

Happiness in Conversations

My mother and I often engage in small talk - but it's code for "I love you."

My mother and I often engage in small talk – but it’s code for “I love you.”

Researchers investigated the difference between happy and unhappy people in the types of conversations they tend to have. Their conclusion – happy people tend to have more substantive conversations and less small talk than do unhappy people. In fact, the study showed the happiest participants had twice as many substantive conversations and one third as much small talk as the unhappiest participants.

“Just as self-disclosure can instill a sense of intimacy in a relationship, deep conversations may instill a sense of meaning in the interaction between partners,” say the researchers.

It’s okay to talk about the weather or basketball scores, but why do you talk about such things? Are you nervous or anxious or concerned about the person with whom you’re having a conversation? Then why not just come out with it instead? Well, for many of us, just “coming out with it” is uncomfortable and sometimes opens windows or doors into worlds of hurt and shame. So we “code” our conversations so as not to directly shake the tree, so to speak.

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Time for a Good Nap?

napping.jpgHere’s a great exercise for self improvement! According to new research by Prof. Avi Karni and Dr. Maria Korman of the Center for Brain and Behavior Research at the University of Haifah, a ninety minute daytime nap helps speed up the process of long term memory consolidation. Now that is a self-help regimen I can get on board with!

“We still don’t know the exact mechanism of the memory process that occurs during sleep, but the results of this research suggest the possibility that it is possible to speed up memory consolidation, and in the future, we may be able to do it artificially,” said Prof. Karni.

Now that’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout! Artificial sleep! (What? Like hypnosis or Rapid Eye Technology?!!)

In the study, the group that slept in the afternoon showed a distinct improvement in their task performance by that evening, as opposed to the group that stayed awake, which did not exhibit any improvement. Following an entire night’s sleep, both groups exhibited the same skill level. “This part of the research showed that a daytime nap speeds up performance improvement in the brain. After a night’s sleep the two groups were at the same level, but the group that slept in the afternoon improved much faster than the group that stayed awake,” stressed Prof. Karni.

A second experiment showed that another aspect of memory consolidation is accelerated by sleep. It was previously shown that during the 6-8 hours after completing an effective practice session, the neural process of “how” memory consolidation is susceptible to interference, such that if, for example, one learns or performs a second, different task, one’s brain will not be able to successfully remember the first trained task. However, when a group of participants was allowed a 90 minute nap between learning the first set of movements and the second, they did not show much improvement in the evening, but on the following morning these participants showed a marked improvement of their performance, as if there had been no interference at all.

“This part of the study demonstrated, for the first time, that daytime sleep can shorten the time “how to” memory becomes immune to interference and forgetting. Instead of 6-8 hours, the brain consolidated the memory during the 90 minute nap,” explains Prof. The elucidation of the actual mechanisms involved, say the researchers, could enable the development of methods to accelerate memory consolidation in adults and to create stable memories in a short time.

Until then, if you need to memorize something quickly or if your schedule is filled with different activities that require learning “how” to do things, it may be worthwhile to find the time for an afternoon nap. Or you could learn self-hypnosis or Rapid Eye Technology (RET)

God Thoughts Can Influence Generosity

Just considering thoughts of a higher being or God can foster altruism and generosity.

Just considering thoughts of a higher being or God can foster altruism and generosity.

I’m not a believer in one or more Gods, but I do find it interesting that just considering thoughts of a higher being or God can foster altruism and generosity – especially in a world where religion has been at the root of horrible wars and atrocious behaviors.

For many years, Rapid Eye Technology has encouraged clients and students to consider a higher power when dealing with stressful thoughts and emotions. Apparently, a recent study confirms the usefulness of that concept.

I figure that what you believe is your business – and ask that you not impose your beliefs on me or others. I think that an exemplary life is the best missionary tool for your belief system. Happiness tends to breed happiness. If a belief or belief system – religion – will cultivate that sense of happiness and peace, then I’m all for it.

I also believe that altruism and generosity are not exclusively the property of believers in God or a higher power. Learning to love and appreciate people as worthy of respect also tends to foster altruism and gratitude.

Whatever does the trick, I say… Read on for details of the study…

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A Competitive Edge – Employee Job Satisfaction

Organizations and businesses are wise to invest in employee personal happiness.

Organizations and businesses are wise to invest in employee personal happiness.

“The benefits of a psychologically well work force are quite consequential to employers, especially so in our highly troubled economic environment,” Kansas State University researcher Thomas Wright said in a recent article published in the Journal of Management. “Simply put, psychologically well employees are better performers. Since higher employee performance is inextricably tied to an organization’s bottom line, employee well-being can play a key role in establishing a competitive advantage.

Methods to improve well-being include assisting workers so they fit their jobs more closely, providing social support to help reduce the negative impact of stressful jobs, and teaching optimism to emphasize positive thought patterns.

None of this is new to those NLP practitioners and coaches working with organizations. The importance of this report is as it relates to a business’ competitive edge. In today’s market of rapidly diminishing returns on investment (ROI), perhaps the best ROI is that invested in employee job satisfaction. And to do that, organizations and businesses are wise to invest in employee personal happiness.

The job is not entirely what makes people happy. People can make themselves happy with their jobs. To be happy you must either do a job you love or love the job you do. Either way, you love your job. And when you love your job, magic occurs. Oh, yes, indeed!!

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Nadine’s Regrets

nadine_stair.jpgMy thanks to John Phillips for this little jewel.

“If I had my life to live over again, I’d dare to make more mistakes next time. I’d relax. I’d limber up. I’d be sillier than I’ve been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances, I would take more trips, I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would, perhaps, have more actual troubles but fewer imaginary ones. You see, I’m one of those people who was sensible and sane, hour after hour, day after day.

Oh, I’ve had my moments. If I had it to do over again, I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else- just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot-water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I could do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.

If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances, I would ride more merry-go-rounds, I would pick daisies.” –Nadine Stair at age 89

Success Shortcut

While it's important to be very precise about your goals, it's far more important to find REASONS WHY those goals are important to you.

While it’s important to be very precise about your goals, it’s far more important to find REASONS WHY those goals are important to you.

Maybe you’ve read piles and piles of books and taken course upon course on how to set and achieve goals. While it’s important to be very precise about your goals, it’s far more important to find REASONS WHY those goals are important to you.

The WHY is your motivation. Motivation is the gas to drive you to your goal. Without motivation, there is insufficient fuel to achieve. EVERYTHING you have ever achieved, you achieved for a REASON – a WHY.

You see, objects do not motivate – emotion about an object can. A new car may seem like a great goal, but if you have no place to go, nobody to see, and nothing to do IN the car, you may not have sufficient motivation to achieve it.

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Get an Attitude

Look into the mirror and say, "Oh, wow! You are so amazing!"

Look into the mirror and say, “Oh, wow! You are so amazing!”

Everybody deserves to have at least one person in their life who is totally, completely, wonderfully in love with them. Someone who realizes how magnificently awesome they are…. Someone who understands their unique beauty and one-of-a-kind personality….Yes, someone whose heart thrills at the sight of them and whose eyes light up and say “OH. WOW! YOU ARE SO AMAZING!”

I call it, understandably, the “OH WOW attitude.” Babies need to have this attitude expressed to them many, many times in order for them to pick up the message that they are wonderful, worthwhile human beings. With repetition, they will begin to make it a part of themselves.

How does this apply to me as an adult?

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