Tag Archives: happy marriage

We or I

Posted on by
1
Perhaps there is hope for marriages where at least one partner is willing to exchange "I" for "we".

Perhaps there is hope for marriages where at least one partner is willing to exchange “I” for “we”.

UC Berkeley researchers analyzed conversations between 154 middle-aged and older couples about points of disagreement in their marriages and found that those who used pronouns such as “we,” “our” and “us” behaved more positively toward one another and showed less physiological stress. Couples who emphasized their “separateness” by using pronouns such as “I,” “me” and “you” were found to be less satisfied in their marriages. This was especially true for older couples.

“Individuality is a deeply ingrained value in American society, but, at least in the realm of marriage, being part of a ‘we’ is well worth giving up a bit of ‘me,’” said UC Berkeley psychology professor Robert Levenson, a co-author of the study published in the journal Psychology and Aging.

Previous studies have established that the use of “we-ness” or “separateness” language is a strong indicator of marital satisfaction in younger couples. These latest findings, however, take this several steps further by showing how powerful this correlation is in more established couples, linking it to the emotions and physiological responses that occur when spouses either team up or become polarized in the face of disagreements, researchers said.

Continue reading →

Strong Relationships are Good for Your Health

Posted on by
1
Small gestures can go a long way toward creating a closer relationship.

Small gestures can go a long way toward creating a closer relationship.

You know that maintaining intimacy is important for your relationship with your partner. But did you know that it’s also good for your health?

Psychologists and researchers have discovered a number of benefits for people who experience intimacy in their committed relationships. In fact, closeness in relationships has been found to influence social, emotional, and physical health.

People in intimate relationships…

* Are better at successful navigating various developmental stages
* Are more likely to maintain solid, lasting friendships
* Are less likely to be in car accidents
* Are more resistant to diseases and mental illness

Continue reading →

The Importance of Intimacy: How to Make Your Marriage Last

Posted on by
Reply
We respect and appreciate each other so much more now than at any previous time in our relationship.

We respect and appreciate each other so much more now than at any previous time in our relationship.

My wife and I recently celebrated our wedding anniversary. We celebrated because our relationship feels deeper and more intimate than ever. We respect and appreciate each other so much more now than at any previous time in our relationship. We’re looking forward to many more years of sweetness and fulfillment.

In this article, Dr. Michele Ritterman offers some great information and advice for those seeking to enrich their intimate relationships.

A recent study revealed a few interesting new aspects about intimacy and marriage. A few of these developments have the potential to change the way marriage counselors – and involved spouses – think about marriages. Specifically, how to keep them strong and healthy!

This 13-year study began in 1981, when researcher Ted Huston began following 168 newly-wed couples. By the time the study ended in 1994, 56 of the couples had divorced. In the meantime, Huston learned a whole lot about intimate relationships, causes of conflict, and how to maintain a happy marriage. One of these findings is proving groundbreaking for marriage and family counselors.

Continue reading →

Get an Attitude

Posted on by
Reply
Look into the mirror and say, "Oh, wow! You are so amazing!"

Look into the mirror and say, “Oh, wow! You are so amazing!”

Everybody deserves to have at least one person in their life who is totally, completely, wonderfully in love with them. Someone who realizes how magnificently awesome they are…. Someone who understands their unique beauty and one-of-a-kind personality….Yes, someone whose heart thrills at the sight of them and whose eyes light up and say “OH. WOW! YOU ARE SO AMAZING!”

I call it, understandably, the “OH WOW attitude.” Babies need to have this attitude expressed to them many, many times in order for them to pick up the message that they are wonderful, worthwhile human beings. With repetition, they will begin to make it a part of themselves.

How does this apply to me as an adult?

Continue reading →

People Think They Reap What They Sow In Relationships

Posted on by
Reply

I see myself more clearly in othersPeople gauge how responsive their partners are primarily by how they themselves respond to their partners-not the other way around, according to a series of Yale studies in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

“We have examined this in different ways,” said Margaret Clark, faculty author and psychology professor. “In studies of marriage we’ve found that what people report they do for their partners is a better predictor of what they think their spouse does for them than are the spouse’s own reports of what was done.”

“Most surprisingly,” she said, “when Edward Lemay, a senior Yale graduate student, brought people into the lab and asked leading questions to make them feel supportive or non-supportive of their partner, the first group reported that their partner is more supportive toward them than did the second group.”

Continue reading →

Changing Behavior in Others

Posted on by
Reply
How you view yourself contributes greatly to how people treat you.

How you view yourself contributes greatly to how people treat you.

Imagine that someone behaves towards you in a way that you don’t like. You have a variety of approaches regarding how you respond.

One set of approaches deals with your own area of responsibility. You might ask yourself, “What is it about me that has allowed/permitted/drawn certain people to behave towards me in this way?”

The answers to this question may reveal one of two kinds of answers. The first is the opening of opportunity. Looking like a victim often attracts predators of some description.

Another answer or approach is more metaphysical. For example, say that someone is being very stubborn and not accepting your point. Some metaphysical schools of thought would have you examine yourself, to see if you do this kind of thing to others. Are you sometimes stubborn about some things? Do you sometimes refuse to see the points of some others?

A third approach is to look at the other person. Is this a typical pattern of behavior for them? Do they do this kind of thing often, with you and/or with other people? If this is the case, then you can take steps to remedy the situation.

Continue reading →

Simple Awareness

Posted on by
2
For just a moment, sipping on a cuppa staring out the window, I noticed!

For just a moment, sipping on a cuppa staring out the window, I noticed!

I was just standing there with coffee cup in hand staring out the window at the back yard – a behavior I’ve practiced thousands of times over many years. Suddenly and without warning, my mind focused on the amazing feat I was performing. I was aware that I was paying attention to life as it was occurring.

In all the universe, as far as I know, there is only one consciousness that I can identify as ME, experiencing what I am experiencing.

For a VERY short number of years, my life will have flashed upon the stage and gone. In geological time scales, I hardly exist at all – micro-time in comparison. Yet in that relative instant of time, everything that ever was or ever will be exists for me.

During my instant of time, I enjoy relationships with so many wonderful people I care about so deeply; I breathe, see, feel, move, emote, and so much more; I feel so grateful to be alive, to have experiences, to relate to others, and to enjoy some awareness now and then. It may be only a tiny instant in time, but it is everything – 100% of all time – to me.

For just a moment, sipping on a cuppa staring out the window, I noticed!

I’m still awed by it.

Strengthening Families

Posted on by
Reply
"Reflecting back on what might have happened leads to increased commitment."

"Reflecting back on what might have happened leads to increased commitment."

Researchers from the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University and the Haas School of Business at the University of California, Berkeley have discovered that building a more committed workforce can be as simple as asking employees to reflect on their company’s history.

“Institutions that can communicate a compelling historical narrative often inspire a special kind of commitment among employees. It is this dedication that directly affects a company’s success and is critical to creating a strong corporate legacy,” said author Adam Galinsky, Morris and Alice Kaplan professor of ethics and decision in management.

“Businesses can better position themselves to prosper when they clearly articulate their origin stories to employees,” said lead author Ersner-Hershfield. “In order for companies to effectively communicate their narrative, they should ask themselves whether there were key meetings, events or people during the economic crisis, without which the company’s outlook would have taken a turn for the worse. Focusing on how things could have turned out differently fosters a positive view of the current circumstances among employees and thus generates an increased sense of commitment.”

Continue reading →

The LGBTQ Bias

Posted on by
Reply
Perhaps our definition of "normal" needs redefining.

Perhaps our definition of "normal" needs redefining.

I’m always on the lookout for thinking errors I may have previously overlooked. Here’s a dandy bias that affects a growing proportion of the world’s population. Marginalized and dehumanized, these people have endured censorship, hatred, bigotry, and worse at the hands of their heterosexual neighbors while contributing greatly to the overall sweetness and vitality of our human experience. Even research about them has been tainted by bias favoring heterosexual relationships as the “norm.”

“The underlying assumption of research on LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer) families has been premised on the idea that the children of gay and lesbian people will have unique challenges because of their parent’s sexual orientation. LGBTQ people have had to establish that they are good parents by raising children who are heterosexual and gender-normative, i.e., not like them.”

Family Therapist and Social Work professor, Arlene Istar Lev says, “There is an assumption that the optimal outcome is to produce heterosexual children. I am questioning the heterosexism that pressures LGBTQ parents to prove their success as parents by producing heterosexual (read: normal) children. The research, steeped in heterosexist and heteronormative beliefs, assumes that if the children of LGBTQ people are gay or transgender themselves, it is a problem, a ‘failure’ revealing the ongoing bias against LGBTQ people.”

Continue reading →