Tag Archives: intimate relationships

We or I

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Perhaps there is hope for marriages where at least one partner is willing to exchange "I" for "we".

Perhaps there is hope for marriages where at least one partner is willing to exchange “I” for “we”.

UC Berkeley researchers analyzed conversations between 154 middle-aged and older couples about points of disagreement in their marriages and found that those who used pronouns such as “we,” “our” and “us” behaved more positively toward one another and showed less physiological stress. Couples who emphasized their “separateness” by using pronouns such as “I,” “me” and “you” were found to be less satisfied in their marriages. This was especially true for older couples.

“Individuality is a deeply ingrained value in American society, but, at least in the realm of marriage, being part of a ‘we’ is well worth giving up a bit of ‘me,’” said UC Berkeley psychology professor Robert Levenson, a co-author of the study published in the journal Psychology and Aging.

Previous studies have established that the use of “we-ness” or “separateness” language is a strong indicator of marital satisfaction in younger couples. These latest findings, however, take this several steps further by showing how powerful this correlation is in more established couples, linking it to the emotions and physiological responses that occur when spouses either team up or become polarized in the face of disagreements, researchers said.

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Happiness in Conversations

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My mother and I often engage in small talk - but it's code for "I love you."

My mother and I often engage in small talk – but it’s code for “I love you.”

Researchers investigated the difference between happy and unhappy people in the types of conversations they tend to have. Their conclusion – happy people tend to have more substantive conversations and less small talk than do unhappy people. In fact, the study showed the happiest participants had twice as many substantive conversations and one third as much small talk as the unhappiest participants.

“Just as self-disclosure can instill a sense of intimacy in a relationship, deep conversations may instill a sense of meaning in the interaction between partners,” say the researchers.

It’s okay to talk about the weather or basketball scores, but why do you talk about such things? Are you nervous or anxious or concerned about the person with whom you’re having a conversation? Then why not just come out with it instead? Well, for many of us, just “coming out with it” is uncomfortable and sometimes opens windows or doors into worlds of hurt and shame. So we “code” our conversations so as not to directly shake the tree, so to speak.

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How You Say It Matters

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The space around our bodies is simply made for communication and perception.

The space around our bodies is simply made for communication and perception.

Scientists Tamar R. Makin, Meytal Wilf, and Ehud Zohary from the Hebrew University of Jerusalem along with Isabella Schwartz from Hadassah Mount Scopus Hospital in Jerusalem wanted to investigate how hand amputations affect visuospatial perception in near space. Through a series of ingenious experiments, they discovered, “…that the possibility for action in near space shapes our perception – the space near our hands is really special, and our ability to move in that space affects how we perceive it.”

Another study, this time by researchers from Colgate University and Radboud University Nijmegen (The Netherlands) revealed something NLP practitioners have known for some time: that congruent action and verbiage communicates messages far better than when there is incongruent action or speech.

The space around our bodies is simply made for communication and perception. When we move our hands, especially, in this space we affect perception – our own and others’. Science is just now showing us that the intuition and understanding of many NLP practitioners and teachers has some validity in fact.

When you shake your head and answer yes, your perception as well as the perception of others you are attempting to communicate with will feel confused and your message will probably be missed or at least be misunderstood.

Sources:
Article “Two Sides of the Same Coin: Speech and Gesture Mutually Interact to Enhance Comprehension” Psychological Science.
Barbara Isanski – Association for Psychological Science

Strong Relationships are Good for Your Health

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Small gestures can go a long way toward creating a closer relationship.

Small gestures can go a long way toward creating a closer relationship.

You know that maintaining intimacy is important for your relationship with your partner. But did you know that it’s also good for your health?

Psychologists and researchers have discovered a number of benefits for people who experience intimacy in their committed relationships. In fact, closeness in relationships has been found to influence social, emotional, and physical health.

People in intimate relationships…

* Are better at successful navigating various developmental stages
* Are more likely to maintain solid, lasting friendships
* Are less likely to be in car accidents
* Are more resistant to diseases and mental illness

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The Importance of Intimacy: How to Make Your Marriage Last

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We respect and appreciate each other so much more now than at any previous time in our relationship.

We respect and appreciate each other so much more now than at any previous time in our relationship.

My wife and I recently celebrated our wedding anniversary. We celebrated because our relationship feels deeper and more intimate than ever. We respect and appreciate each other so much more now than at any previous time in our relationship. We’re looking forward to many more years of sweetness and fulfillment.

In this article, Dr. Michele Ritterman offers some great information and advice for those seeking to enrich their intimate relationships.

A recent study revealed a few interesting new aspects about intimacy and marriage. A few of these developments have the potential to change the way marriage counselors – and involved spouses – think about marriages. Specifically, how to keep them strong and healthy!

This 13-year study began in 1981, when researcher Ted Huston began following 168 newly-wed couples. By the time the study ended in 1994, 56 of the couples had divorced. In the meantime, Huston learned a whole lot about intimate relationships, causes of conflict, and how to maintain a happy marriage. One of these findings is proving groundbreaking for marriage and family counselors.

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