Tag Archives: Life

The Gift of Insults

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I just had to share this wonderful parable. It caught me at that “just right” time to help me appreciate it. I’ve never really looked at insults as gifts, but what would happen to me if I did? And what would happen to you if you did?

There once lived a great warrior. Though quite old, he still was able to defeat any challenger. His reputation extended far and wide throughout the land and many students gathered to study under him.

One day an infamous young warrior arrived at the village. He was determined to be the first man to defeat the great master. Along with his strength, he had an uncanny ability to spot and exploit any weakness in an opponent. He would wait for his opponent to make the first move, thus revealing a weakness, and then would strike with merciless force and lightning speed. No one had ever lasted with him in a match beyond the first move.

Much against the advice of his concerned students, the old master gladly accepted the young warrior’s challenge. As the two squared off for battle, the young warrior began to hurl insults at the old master. He threw dirt and spit in his face. For hours he verbally assaulted him with every curse and insult known to mankind. But the old warrior merely stood there motionless and calm. Finally, the young warrior exhausted himself. Knowing he was defeated, he left feeling shamed.

Somewhat disappointed that he did not fight the insolent youth, the students gathered around the old master and questioned him. “How could you endure such an indignity? How did you drive him away?”

“If someone comes to give you a gift and you do not receive it,” the master replied, “to whom does the gift belong?”

Anonymous

Taking Responsibility

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I like the idea of saying to myself (maybe as a mantra), “I am experiencing EXACTLY what I WANT to experience right now or I’d be experiencing something else. I am doing exactly what I most want to do right now or I’d be doing something else. I have exactly what I want to have right now or I’d have something else.” (BE-DO-HAVE) I believe that when you adopt this as a personal truth, you tend to take responsibility for your life and magical things start to happen. For one, when YOU are the responsible party, YOU have the power to make changes – NOT because you don’t like what you have; rather, because you LOVE what you have and want to experience something ELSE you love.

If you want to make a substantial change in your life, consider taking responsibility for your life – acknowledge that you are, do, and have what you currently experience because you WANT TO. How you feel about what you experience is your PAYOFF. Embrace your payoff – you love it, after all – and you’ve gone to some effort and energy to achieve it. Then look into what OTHER PAYOFF you might enjoy JUST AS MUCH and begin embracing that instead. You might also enjoy achieving your current payoff in a different manner. Like the kid in the sandbox making a sand castle, you can play with your design as much as you wish until you get it “just right” – that is, you experience sufficient sensational payoff.

Memories and Your Future

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Change your perception of the past and you can take charge of your future.

Change your perception of the past and you can take charge of your future.

“Our findings provide compelling support for the idea that memory and future thought are highly interrelated and help explain why future thought may be impossible without memories.” (Karl Szpunar, lead author of a study on the relationship between memory and future thought and a psychology doctoral student in Arts & Sciences at Washington University.)

Suicidally depressed people “don’t remember particularly what happened last month and they can’t really tell you much of anything about what they envision happening next week.” (Szpunar)

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How to Set Goals?

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How to set goals? First of all, don’t confuse wishes or desires with goals. Often, people want things, situations or accomplishments, and call these goals. Then they’re disappointed when they don’t get them. Just naming your desires isn’t effective goal setting. Good goals have some or all of the following:

1. Good goals are specific. A goal like, “I want to be healthy” is too general. “I want to lose weight and walk three times a week,” is better.

2. They’re realistic. Unfortunately, even if it is possible that you could become an astronaut, if you’re already 55, you better try to become a pilot for now. Unrealistic goals set you up for failure.

3. They’re written down. Writing down your goals is a way to make them more real, and this influences your subconscious mind, especially if you review the goals regularly.

4. They’re measurable. Exactly how many pounds do you want to lose? How much money do you want to make? How will you know if your relationship is better?

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Feeling Low? Maybe It’s OK

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It's perfectly normal for humans to have mood swings.

It’s perfectly normal for humans to have mood swings.

Feeling a bit low or blue during the winter months? Or maybe just feeling a little depressed now and then? Well don’t despair or feel anxious over it – adding to the feeling. It’s perfectly normal for humans to have mood swings – and to have negative moods that can last for days or even weeks.

The slightest shift in the balance between serotonin and melatonin, adrenalin and noradrenalin, and other chemicals in the body can affect our moods – and it is NORMAL for us to do so and feel that way when we do.

According to University of East London psychologist Professor Mark Rapley, “Bottling up anger and sadness is never a good way of dealing with things; problems tend to come back and bite us harder further down the line. The trouble is, we’ve become so obsessed with being happy that we now see being down as a real problem – when, in fact, it’s perfectly normal.

“We’re constantly encouraged to be anxious about whether we are happy or depressed, yet these feelings are not illnesses, simply part of regular human experience. Life would be so much duller if we just muddled along in the middle without feeling any emotions at all. Learning to recognize that it’s normal to feel angry or sad is a good thing for our mental health.”

Balance is boring!

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