Tag Archives: Life Skills

What Were You Thinking?

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What Were You Thinking?

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Whew! 15 years of work! Although this is book #5 for me, it was the most difficult to write – because it’s about ME and MY thinking errors (don’t you just love self-disclosure?!). The publisher says that if you use the code MVY7M9SU they will knock off $3. That’s about 20%. Nice!

What Were You Thinking?

Some Common Thinking Errors and What to Do About Them

Authored by Joseph Bennette

A critical look into how our magnificent brains can help us make the most of our lives – and get us into deep trouble. Fortunately, thanks to our big brains we have the capability to solve our own thinking errors – once we know what those errors are. Explore some common thinking errors and what you can do to prevent or correct them. From the introduction: Continue reading →

Don’t Stop?

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It takes more energy to stop a thought than to change it.

It takes more energy to stop a thought than to change it.

Thinking, that is! A study out of Case Western Reserve University shows that it takes more energy to stop a thought than to change it. No wonder it’s so hard to stop smoking or stop berating yourself or stop that tune that got stuck in your head. It just takes too much energy!

Some years ago, I underwent a year of intensive thought transformation in which a group of us focused attention on catching each other or sometimes even catch ourselves saying the “wrong” things – things that detracted us from our goals. “Try” was on the taboo list of words for obvious reasons – it holds a built-in failure. So, each time we’d hear one of us say the word, “try”, we’d say, “Cancel that!” The process seemed horribly difficult as we were catching each other often over that year. In the end, however, the goal was attained and my speech cleared up so much.

I wonder if we were unintentionally making it harder on ourselves by canceling (stopping) our thoughts instead of reframing them – sort of like nudging an asteroid instead of hitting it head-on.

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The Myth of Being Nonjudgmental

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It is improper and imprudent to simply throw away judgment for the sake of being perceived as "nonjudgmental."

It is improper and imprudent to simply throw away judgment for the sake of being perceived as "nonjudgmental."

Can I throw away my many years of training and experience? No – it is part of who I am.

Can being nonjudgmental harm me or my client or someone else? Of course it can, in certain situations and environments.

There are bounds to tolerance. Unconsciously and instinctively I KNOW it is wrong to have sex with a child, for example. To help a pedophile get better at his trade would be unconscionable to me. I CANNOT offer such behavior safe haven in my sessions. On the other hand, if a pedophile wishes to overcome his harmful behavior, I am willing to assist. That is because I have a judgment about that behavior and the erroneous thought processes that produced it. I cannot be nonjudgmental in this case.

I have a list of behaviors I judge incompatible with health and wellness – for the individual and for society in general.
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How You Remember Events Does Make A Difference

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What can you do about it? How can you lift the onus off your back?

What can you do about it? How can you lift the onus off your back?

“Our findings provide compelling support for the idea that memory and future thought are highly interrelated and help explain why future thought may be impossible without memories.” (Karl Szpunar, lead author of a recent study on the relationship between memory and future thought and a psychology doctoral student in Arts & Sciences at Washington University.)

Suicidally depressed people “don’t remember particularly what happened last month and they can’t really tell you much of anything about what they envision happening next week.” (Szpunar)

What happens when many of your memories are of traumatic events? Might that mean your future thoughts will also be trauma filled? Or maybe you don’t recall things because of drug-related memory loss. Or perhaps your childhood has become amnesic due to childhood illness or psychological issues.

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Fail Safe Programs

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Psychic Protection Programs protect core beliefs or truths from change. The following is a three-part strategy for self-preservation based on Cause & Effect logic.

3-part strategy for keeping the current belief system stable, safe, and secure:

1. It (life) is as it is and – [belief system needing protection against change]

2. I can’t change it (life) because – [initial protection layer - cause]

*I’ll die (or someone else will die) [ultimate physical fear - result]

*I’m too afraid [based on predictions leading to "I'll die" - result]

*It’s impossible [based on assumption that if I do, "I'll die" - result]

3. Because – [justification - kills desire for change]

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Path to true happiness ‘revealed’

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From BBC NEWS 11-15-05
Path to true happiness ‘revealed’
Experts believe they have found the essential ingredients to make a person’s life happier.

The 10 steps to happiness

  • Plant something and nurture it
  • Count your blessings – at least five – at the end of each day
  • Take time to talk – have an hour-long conversation with a loved one each week
  • Phone a friend whom you have not spoken to for a while and arrange to meet up
  • Give yourself a treat every day and take the time to really enjoy it
  • Have a good laugh at least once a day
  • Get physical – exercise for half an hour three times a week
  • Smile at and/or say hello to a stranger at least once each day
  • Cut your TV viewing by half
  • Spread some kindness – do a good turn for someone every day

Read the entire story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/health/4436482.stm

Dwelling On Problems Puts Girls At Greater Risk Of Developing Anxiety And Depression

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Girls who talk very extensively about their problems with friends are likely to become more anxious and depressed.

Girls who talk very extensively about their problems with friends are likely to become more anxious and depressed.

A researcher at the University of Missouri-Columbia has found that girls who talk very extensively about their problems with friends are likely to become more anxious and depressed.

The research was conducted by Amanda Rose, associate professor of psychological sciences in the College of Arts and Science. The six-month study, which included boys and girls, examined the effects of co-rumination – excessively talking with friends about problems and concerns. Rose discovered that girls co-ruminate more than boys, especially in adolescence, and that girls who co-ruminated the most in the fall of the school year were most likely to be more depressed and anxious by the spring.

“When girls co-ruminate, they’re spending such a high percentage of their time dwelling on problems and concerns that it probably makes them feel sad and more hopeless about the problems because those problems are in the forefront of their minds. Those are symptoms of depression,” Rose said. “In terms of anxiety, co-ruminating likely makes them feel more worried about the problems, including about their consequences. Co-rumination also may lead to depression and anxiety because it takes so much time – time that could be used to engage in other, more positive activities that could help distract youth from their problems. This is especially true for problems that girls can’t control, such as whether a particular boy likes them, or whether they get invited to a party that all of the popular kids are attending.”

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A Worthwhile Conversation

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I'll be nice when it's fair!

I'll be nice when it's fair!

“If you act nice to them, people won’t take you seriously.”

“What the hell do I care?”

“But if it doesn’t help you, why do it?”

“Sometimes it helps me. But don’t you just like being nice to people?”

“Sometimes. But then if they’re not nice back I get mad.”

“Yeah; just skip that part. How often are you nice to people?”

“Not too often. I’m usually waiting for them to do something where they deserve me being nice.”

“Then that’s not being nice. That’s being fair.”

Conrad Cook, Mindlist
onewetsneaker.wordpress.com

The problem with “fairness” is that it’s always lopsided: “balanced” more toward the person doing the judging of such “fairness” – my grandchildren always judge something as fair if they get what they want – and not fair if they don’t get what they want. Being nice, on the other hand is just a simple frame of mind that says, in effect, “I’m a person I respect who does nice things for others just because I can.”

The Scotoma Solution

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A scotoma is a mental situation in which one locks on to one idea and excludes all others – known as the “lock on lock out” principle. We all do it – it’s our human way of avoiding overwhelm when faced with too many choices. However, a scotoma can get you into trouble as we shall explore here.

SpongebobIn a Spongebob Squarepants cartoon, Spongebob gets up one morning and thinks he’ll create a fantastic dessert for himself. Unfortunately, his choice of ingredients cause him to have horrific halitosis (bad breath). Spongebob proceeds to go outside, where he meets several people, all of whom scream and run away from him as soon as he opens his mouth and says, “Hello.”

His conclusion – “I must be terribly ugly!”
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