Tag Archives: marriage and family

Strengthening Families

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Reflecting back on what might have happened leads to increased individual commitment to the group.

Reflecting back on what might have happened leads to increased individual commitment to the group.

Researchers from the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University and the Haas School of Business at the University of California, Berkeley have discovered that building a more committed workforce can be as simple as asking employees to reflect on their company’s history.

“Institutions that can communicate a compelling historical narrative often inspire a special kind of commitment among employees. It is this dedication that directly affects a company’s success and is critical to creating a strong corporate legacy.” (Galinsky).

Could the same be applied to families? Keep reading for my take on this phenomenon.

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The LGBTQ Bias

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Perhaps our definition of "normal" needs redefining.

Perhaps our definition of "normal" needs redefining.

I’m always on the lookout for thinking errors I may have previously overlooked. Here’s a dandy bias that affects a growing proportion of the world’s population. Marginalized and dehumanized, a significant segment of our population has endured censorship, hatred, bigotry, and worse at the hands of their heterosexual neighbors while contributing greatly to the overall sweetness and vitality of our human experience. Even research about them has been tainted by bias favoring heterosexual relationships as the “norm.”

“The underlying assumption of research on LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer) families has been premised on the idea that the children of gay and lesbian people will have unique challenges because of their parent’s sexual orientation. LGBTQ people have had to establish that they are good parents by raising children who are heterosexual and gender-normative, i.e., not like them.”

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Memory Restructuring

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Research is showing that sleep seems to reorganize memories, picking out the emotional details and reconfiguring the memories.

Research is showing that sleep seems to reorganize memories, picking out the emotional details and reconfiguring the memories.

“Sleep is making memories stronger,” says Jessica D. Payne of the University of Notre Dame. “It also seems to be doing something which I think is so much more interesting, and that is reorganizing and restructuring memories.”

Wait a minute! Did she just say what I think I heard her say? That memories are “reorganized” and “restructured”? And here I thought memories were true and accurate recordings of events! Ok, if you’re a long-time reader you know I’ve written about false memory syndrome before; and this is yet another study confirming my belief that memories are far from accurate.

Knowing that memories are fallible and subject to errors, maybe I can reconfirm that memories may be manipulated – molded to help support how I want to feel today. Remember that someone who did you wrong? Yeah? Well, maybe you can change the details of your memories of that person to support a new you – perhaps rehearsing the memory with you WINNING instead of coming out the victim. Especially, say the study authors, sleeping on a memory can change it – so why not reconsider your memories of the day just as you’re drifting off to sleep? Reconsider in a way that supports a stronger emotional you. It’s called reframing – or “spinning” memories. If politicians can get away with it, why not me, too?!

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One Result of Military Service

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The physical and verbal abuse used by drill instructors is intended to break the spirit - and often does.

The physical and verbal abuse used by drill instructors is intended to break the spirit - and often does.

As a Vietnam and Kuwait era veteran, I can tell you, the military messes with your mind. I saw perfectly agreeable young men enter the military and return just months later much less agreeable (less able to cooperate with others, sense and feel for others, get along with family and friends, etc.).

An article in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science by some pretty smart scientists confirms that military conscripts in the German Army were less agreeable upon exit from service than they were going in, and they were less agreeable than their counterparts who did not endure military service.

Yes, it’s the German army, but my guess is that their army is much the same as the one I endured here in the USA. Some say military Basic Training is like a rite of passage, and maybe so. The intent now as it has been for hundreds of years is to break the spirit so that people can become more responsive to authority. Four or more years of military service, even without combat, is bound to leave its mark on an individual.

There is nothing inherently wrong with being less agreeable. Many people would say that very successful business types are pretty disagreeable – as are many bureaucrats, law enforcement officials, and TSA agents.

Still, I think it’s food for thought. I tend to like agreeable people more than I do disagreeable people. But that’s just me.

(source: Association for Psychological Science. “Does The Military Make The Man Or Does The Man Make The Military?.” Medical News Today. MediLexicon, Intl., 27 Jan. 2012. Web.)

Happiness in Conversations

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My mother and I often engage in small talk - but it's code for "I love you."

My mother and I often engage in small talk – but it’s code for “I love you.”

Researchers investigated the difference between happy and unhappy people in the types of conversations they tend to have. Their conclusion – happy people tend to have more substantive conversations and less small talk than do unhappy people. In fact, the study showed the happiest participants had twice as many substantive conversations and one third as much small talk as the unhappiest participants.

“Just as self-disclosure can instill a sense of intimacy in a relationship, deep conversations may instill a sense of meaning in the interaction between partners,” say the researchers.

It’s okay to talk about the weather or basketball scores, but why do you talk about such things? Are you nervous or anxious or concerned about the person with whom you’re having a conversation? Then why not just come out with it instead? Well, for many of us, just “coming out with it” is uncomfortable and sometimes opens windows or doors into worlds of hurt and shame. So we “code” our conversations so as not to directly shake the tree, so to speak.

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