A scotoma is a mental situation in which one locks on to one idea and excludes all others – known as the “lock on lock out” principle. We all do it – it’s our human way of avoiding overwhelm when faced with too many choices. However, a scotoma can get you into trouble as we shall explore here.

In a Spongebob Squarepants cartoon, Spongebob gets up one morning and thinks he’ll create a fantastic dessert for himself. Unfortunately, his choice of ingredients cause him to have horrific halitosis (bad breath). Spongebob proceeds to go outside, where he meets several people, all of whom scream and run away from him as soon as he opens his mouth and says, “Hello.”

His conclusion – “I must be terribly ugly!”

Based on his erroneous conclusion, he weighs all evidence only in light of his conclusion (scotoma) – and discounting evidence to the contrary. Every experience he encounters only tends to strengthen his belief that he is ugly rather than stinky. His scotoma causes him to feel less and less self-confident until he at last introverts and avoids others.

Spongebob’s close friend, Patrick, who as a starfish, has no nose, can’t smell the bad breath and so assumes his friend is correct in his assumption that he is ugly. Together, Spongebob and Patrick attempt to overcome the “ugliness” through a series of humorous, yet reasonable, methods. They try positive affirmations, “I’m ugly and I’m proud!” etc. Again, all their efforts are aimed at correcting what they believe to be the fundamental problem – that Spongebob is ugly.

At long last Patrick tries some of Spongebob’s “dessert” and finds that he, too, has become “ugly.” Everyone runs away from them whenever they open their mouths. When Patrick then speaks to Spongebob and Spongebob gets a whiff of the odorous mouth, he finally gets it that he’s not ugly – his breath stinks – and together Spongebob and Patrick celebrate the fact that “we stink!”

This is a fine example of what happens when we make an erroneous conclusion from the data we observe. Compounding the problem of erroneous conclusions is that we make many of our life-determining decisions based on data we evaluated and made conclusions on when we were VERY YOUNG or in our infancy – a time in our lives when we were physically and psychologically poorly equipped to make such conclusions. Further, we did not have sufficient data to make such life-determining conclusions. And so we find ourselves living our lives based on erroneous conclusions of ambiguous data (life experience) we made long ago – so long ago we don’t recall them – but we are living them out nevertheless.

So, what do we do about it? How do I become aware of that of which I am unaware. I’m even so unaware that I’m unaware that I’m unaware. Egad!

Here’s what I recommend:

Develop a healthy skepticism about your own decisions and decision making processes. Question yourself often, “Am I sure about this?” “Could I be wrong about this/that/them/you/me/us?” etc.

LISTEN to those closest to you. Consider criticism as golden nuggets of awareness about that which you are unaware. Spouses especially are goldmines for such info. Especially if you feel threatened – the surest sign that gold is afoot. Defending yourself against your loved ones shuts the doors and windows of awareness.

LISTEN to your “enemies” – they will tell you what you don’t want to hear. As such, they can be your best friends – at least when it comes to information about you. You don’t have to give in or give up – just pay attention. “Could what they say about me be true – to some extent?”

Speak the words, “Thank you” to those you feel are attacking you. Be genuine – no sarcasm or brushing off. They are doing you a favor – it’s just good manners to show appreciation. Besides, it shifts your thinking mode from emotion to reason – a good thing during communication.

Deal with your emotional triggers. I recommend you get help with them – to avoid missing those that hide from you. Seek out a therapist who works holistically – treating the entire being – someone skilled in rooting out those hidden emotional “secrets” that come forward when triggered.