Want to feel less defensive? Want to feel more loving and kind? Want to better connect with others?
Then you would benefit from a short exercise you can do any time. A new study published in the July issue of Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science, found that writing about important values makes people feel loving and connected, and that these other-directed feelings account for reduced defensiveness.
“These studies raise the prospect that reminding people what they love or care about may enable them to transcend the self and may foster learning under difficult circumstances,” Jennifer Crocker and Yu Niiya from the University of Michigan and Dominik Mischkowski from the University of Konstanz, the study authors explain.
The exercise is simple:
Take 10 minutes and write about something you care about – a value. For example, you could write about your feelings about your home and why it is important to you. You might choose to write about your marriage or your pet or your friends or your most prized possession or even a more esoteric value like why you feel as you do about your religion. Each of these subjects would elicit your values and help you connect with that part of you that transcends pettiness and defensiveness.
Got a big test or job interview coming up? Do the exercise just before you take the test or face the interviewer.
Maybe you have little time – the boss has called you into her office and you have that feeling it isn’t going to be about a raise – as you walk toward her office, rather than ruminating on why your boss might want to “chat” with you, reflect instead upon your most cherished values (what is important in life for you and why). You’ll connect better with the boss and feel less defensive overall. And probably set up the energy of a successful and rewarding encounter – and maybe turn a chewing out into a raise after all!